LONGING

I miss the good old times. So cliché. We all do. Life was easier, we had more time, there was more fun.

On the other hand, was it really so much easier back than or are we just idealizing?

Snapshots from the past make me feel nostalgic. While it is great to remember the good times, in reality they were more bitter-sweet than honey. I remember nights out with friends, great fun and tons of booze, yet I choose to forget the fights, the break ups and failed exams due to massive hangovers. I notice that with time the bad memories fade more than the good ones. The massive break up no longer feels to hurtful, while the romantic gestures speak much louder. Or maybe that is just me romanticizing my past life.

My current life is a happy one. I have love, family, good job, money and friends. It's not always rosy, especially when you have an anxiety disorder, but from a distant perspective it is a good life, much better than the one I had in the past. So why do I go back in time so often?

The reason is simple. It was exciting. Good or bad, doesn't matter. Things were happening. Late nights drinking and dancing, one night stands, crazy stupid, yet brave ideas with friends and tons of drama with everyone. Nowadays the maximum of my excitement level is when my baby girl goes to bed before 8 pm and I still have some energy to watch latest Netflix Sci-Fi hit.

Of course, I know I could make my life more exciting, but I actually no longer want to, or more precisely I just don't digest excitement as well as I did . The fun of a late night party is majorly surpassed by the fear of a three day hangover and the implications of it to my 6 am wake up. One night stands might sound fun, though it kind of collides with the general concept of marriage, but even if I was single, the walk of shame and the morning awkwardness during breakfast no longer have the same appeal. I could go on and on and on, but what I am trying to say is I already been there and done that and I am grateful it happen, but I am also happy it ended. 

Like this old meme that one day you are a teen getting ready for a party, the next one you have your favorite grocery store. I do and I go beyond -  I am friends with the owners.